Trillian's Utter Problem
by DtKnight
Summary: The first chapter to a strange story. Won't continue without reviews. Added Chapters, need reviews.
1. Trillian's Escape

Disclaimer: I do not claim anything. Sadly, I own no books, only randomly written publications no one should ever no about. This happens to be one of them. I claim no ownership of the Book: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, or its sequels. This is just a story on what happens to Trillian after she and the group are separated. Pretty much the problem on how she should have a child, and a way to figure this all out. This is her story. Before she goes to Arthur Dent to give him his daughter, yet after she leaves the group and becomes a reporter. Oh yeah, I once again claim NO ownership in regard to that legendary book. Anyhow, this is my disclaimer, and my first story! Avante! (Please give me some kind of review, I am kind of new to the whole gig, and need a gentle push in the wrong direction) There is no prologue, for the prologue is everything before Trillian's departure. ----------------------------------------------------------^ ^--------------- -------------------------------  
Trillian slowly crept through the halls of the Heart of Gold so as not to cause a stir. She was hoping to leave before Zaphod even knew she was gone. The noises of speech were coming in through the door, and Trillian listened intently to the conversation before her departure. "I wonder if Zaphod has come out of his coma yet? Arthur...Arthur! Wake up! I'm talking to you!" Stated Ford Prefect while he stared out into space. Arthur just sat down and snored loudly, taking in the entire view of the galaxy within his eyelids. Trillian crept by slowly while they continued the conversation, and reached the teleporter just in time. "Where's Trillian going?" Mumbled Zaphod's left head while he walked into the cockpit of the Heart of Gold. "I don't know...where do you think she is going?" asked Ford. "Uhhnn.uhnn.uhnn? Uhn!" Stated Arthur in his slumber. Both Ford and Zaphod looked at him, although one of Zaphod's heads lolled in its slumbering state itself. "Do we splash him with water? Or is it better to leave him there while we disappear?" asked Zaphod. "I say leave him," replied Ford. So, they left Arthur to better things, and Arthur decided to wake up. "Computer...where did everybody go?" he asked to the air. "Have a happy day Arthur, and hopefully I hope you know that I am trying to be as happy and helpful as possible towards you." Said the Computer. "Computer! Just tell me where they went!" Arthur argued. "Oh, they just went somewhere else, I don't know the precise location...but that's ok!" Arthur gave up, and decided to go and look for himself. He vanished outside of the room, and traveled to the teleporter. "Geez...we make him tea and everything, and this is what we get for it?" the Computer argued to no one.  
Back to Trillian. She managed to vanish before the whole Arthur vs. Computer battle, and was nicely on her way to Urea Minor. Upon her arrival, three things happened to her in rapid succession. First, the sun struck her left temple, and reflected into her eyes, leaving a lovely shine and annoyance to her eyes. Two, a small alien race living on a sugar cube went to war with another race living in her stomach acid. The race on the cube knew themselves as Glargle'spits, while the race in the acid thought themselves as Filxchers. Mainly the war began when a Glargle'spits princess fell in love with a Filxchers princess, and the races disagreed with them both. For one, the Glargle'spits looked like cottage cheese mixed with some ant borax's, while the Filxchers seemed to be reminiscent of slime. The clashing of homosexuality was also an issue, and the two races decided that war was best for all of them. In the next few seconds it didn't matter anyways because both races were crushed by the last occurrence to Trillian. A miniscule spaceship from a close galaxy had decided to visit Urea Minor, and was somehow trapped within Trillian. In her stomach it blasted the two races to bits and dissolved in her acids. 


	2. Arthur's Tiny Problem

After the little episode with Trillian and the alien race living in her stomach, a turn to Arthur Dent seems necessary. Arthur, after arguing with the computer, had disappeared into the lovely teleporter where Trillian had gone minutes earlier. While he was distinguished now as a completely hopeless traveler of the galaxies, he had learned a few tricks while stuck on Ancient Earth. One was to tie his shoes in flexible knots, so as not to fall over a trip whenever he believed it was necessary to do so. Two, the whole problem with speech was resolved after Arthur became a hermit, and now he spoke in the language of sign. No one understood a word he said, other than "May I have some tea...Please..." The only other species to ever use this form of speech were the Tealacts of GigaloVII, where their form of speech consisted of smiling at each other and commenting on the weather. They also considered everything to be "tea", and as such used it in everyday speech. "Tea, tea, tea?" is their most popular form of communication. Travelers visiting to their planet don't understand the subtle differences between "Tea," and "Tea." This has led to a rapid decline of their species because all the traders give them is tea, and they can't survive only on the tea. As such their planet has become a graveyard of bodies, each with their own little sign "Tea, tea, tea, tea." No one understands a single word of it, buy they thoroughly enjoy watching the process of their death immensely. Recently a group of scientists from KoilaVO have been selling tickets and making an immense profit off of the deaths of these wonderful species. Their death is quite interesting, and begins with the drying out of the skin. Then the head yells "Tea!" in slow motion. Its quite interesting to watch the time warps caused from these deaths.  
Anyways, back to Arthur Dent. Previously he had gone in search of the group he loved. "Where have they gone!" he yelled to the world. The world found this highly amusing, and just smiled at him blankly. This seemed to anger Arthur, so he vanished back into the teleporter. A few seconds later the knockout overwhelmed him, and he arrived onto the planet ShoilpzzzzXI. He had arrived on the planet ShoilpzzzzXI. In this planet he yelled to the world "Have you seen Zaphod Beeblebrox?" This time the world had an answer. "No, now be quiet! We are trying to get some sleep here!" yelled a native Zzzz. The people Of ShoilpzzzzXI enjoy sleeping. It's all they do, every dingle day. To prove this, the average growth of a Zzzz is seventeen feet. They eat quite healthy, and due to there sleeping habits, grow healthy too. Since they are one of the few immortal species in the know universe (which isn't), they can generally grow up to seventy kilometers in size in a few thousand centuries. Visitors to their planet usually mistake them for rocks, and to their woe discover why the Zzzz sleep all day. Their healthy eating habits come from all of those tourists hoping to have a glimpse of a Zzzz, and discover they are standing in one's mouth. For some strange reason, people continually travel to ShoilpzzzzXI. This has led to a general decrease to the population of tourist existing in the Universe, and to a cleaner atmosphere on the planet of the Zzzz's. Since only one person has ever managed to escape the grasp of a Zzzz, their description of one seems suitable to the moment. "Large, with big gaping teeth, and a hole for vacuuming in food while they sleep. I hope I never go back, for they didn't have any tea."  
Arthur stared in horror at the Zzzz in front if him. He noted the large bulk, and the dragon like appearance. Perhaps this is where the legend of dragon's came to Earth? "Why are you sleeping?" he shouted. "Because I am tired." Seemed to be the only response. Since Arthur could not see any of his friends, he vanished back to the Heart of Gold in hopes they might have returned. 


	3. Ford and Zaphod Day

Ok. I missed my disclaimer last chapter, but hopefully it came across from  
the first. I DO NOT OWN The Original Characters and planets within  
Hitchhiker's Guide to The Galaxy. I have added a few characters and planets  
of my own just to make it seem like I care. Which I happen to.  
  
Since Arthur and Trillian have been covered, a few words on Zaphod and Ford  
have suddenly become necessary in regard to the story. Seconds after  
Trillian arrived on Urea Minor, Ford and Zaphod left for the fun planet of  
Eroticon 6. It seems that this will be important to understand that on  
Eroticon 6, everyone is a suspect. Here is a small history on the planet in  
general. Eroticon 6 is the planet of fun, misfortune, and happiness. In  
great supply of Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, quite a few casinos and  
banks, and a large city of beautiful women, the world is a place that  
tourists flock too. Also, armies have never touched down upon the planet,  
in fear of ruining the fragile ecosystem of military and entertainment.  
Many military officials have been found on Eroticon, but they were off  
duty, and not at war. The rules on the planet are simple.  
DON'T PANIC  
Make sure to always wash yourself thoroughly before ever meal.  
Please stay off the grass.  
Barking like a dog is both unhealthy, and leaves a bad taste in one's  
mouth.  
Do not touch the flowers.  
Money is good, especially in our pockets.  
Spend all of your money, you have nothing to lose.  
Do not insult any of the citizens of this planet.  
Follow these rules.  
Make sure never to break these rules.  
This is a way to help you survive from the hostile inhabitants.  
Be careful.  
Don't seem daft.  
Use your brain.  
Minors not allowed.  
if under the age of Seventeen thousand, go to your left.  
If over the age of seventeen thousand, go to you right.  
If you are immortal, go straight up to the Immortal's bar.  
If you are not immortal, beware going up.  
Stay away from the light.  
Follow these rules.  
Be explicit in all questions.  
Don't be rude.  
make sure To STAY off THE GRASS.  
Beware the alien-eating grass.  
Don't walk into gnashing teeth, or you will die.  
Do not provoke the guards with the big guns.  
Don't touch the big guns.  
Beware the big guns.  
Watch yourself, and fall asleep.  
If caught not reading any of these rules, then you will be punished.  
Punishment is not a GOOD thing.  
You will defiantly want to read these rules.  
Please be polite, and have some money to spend.  
Do not sleep on the planet.  
Beware the night.  
Death is not good for you.  
Do not eat any of the food.  
Aren't you becoming tired yet?  
Zaphod Beeblrox and Ford Prefect not allowed.  
This means you.  
Really.  
If you don't read this, then you face all punishments.  
Smile for the camera.  
Have identification.  
Die.  
Thank you for coming to our planet.  
Now leave.  
Leave.  
I mean it.  
Don't let me punish you.  
Seriously.  
"Hey Zaphod, what is that big sign with lots of letters on it?" Ford asked  
aloud. "Don't worry, its nothing important, lets go party!" Said Zaphod  
with a smile. Today both of his heads looked splendid, with one drooling  
all over the place, and the other sleepily blinking in turn with the  
other's snores. It seems evident that Zaphod was tired. Ford on the other  
hand looked splendid. With his drink in hand, and his feet ready to step on  
the grass, he was prepared. The grass around the duo was a greenish color,  
with a few bits of brown in between. No one really know why they were not  
supposed to step on the grass, yet barely any dared to discover why. While  
Ford and Zaphod traveled around aimlessly for a while, an alien named Fido  
came up behind them. He was carrying a large gun, and his life consisted of  
shoot, then question. "Sir, are you Zaphod Beeblebrox?" he asked Zaphod.  
Zaphod's head gave a stir, and spit flew while he responded. "No, I am not  
Zaphod Beeblebrox, I am Graphod Beeblebrox, and this is my partner Fjord  
Prefect, we are cousins to Zaphod and Ford, and we are here for some fun."  
Since Fido was not the brightest alien in the universe, he nodded his head  
and waved his gun in the opposite direction. "You there, stay OFF the  
grass! Don't you read the signs?" While Fido seemed occupied, Zaphod and  
Ford crept away under the cover of the bright lights. It seemed they had no  
other choice than to enjoy them. They entered a bar, and ordered a few  
drinks for them to drink only. After consuming a large amount of drink,  
the duo swayed around the planet for some time. "That grass sure looks  
tasty...I wonder what would happen If I fall on it?" stated Ford while he  
collapsed inches away from the grass. "I dun know..." Stated one of Zaphod's  
heads, while the other laughed happily. Both were utterly drunk, and  
decided that they wished to stay that way. Collapsing on the ground, the  
duo spent their entire day laughing happily to themselves and singing  
rousing songs of vigor.  
"We are the one's who always get in the way." Ford mumbled. "No, you're the  
one who always seems to say..." Zaphod burbled. "We are the drunkest ones  
today..." They both mumbled drunkenly. "And that Is how...we are going to  
stay..." and they both collapsed in a drunken heap. 


End file.
